Monday, October 26, 2009
David, my sweet son, I cannot believe that today has come. I've turned around and another year has passed. Our last moments together still seem so close to me, time has not disturbed them as it has my other memories of you. I can still feel the softness of your tiny cheeks on my fingertips. I can even remember the very second that I last kissed the bridge of your nose, it was so familiar, as if that part of you was made just for me, like puzzle pieces. I remember the feeling of your hands in mine for the last time, I will never forget your tiny palms on my thumbs and how your fingers curled around mine. I remember the feeling that I would have only this moment with you to carry me through the rest of my life. I held you trying to soak up every last second before I had to say goodbye to you. I know now that you were already home with God but those last few memories beside you are so big for me. I remember how soft your hair was and how I never had noticed the blond in your hair until it glimmered in the light that day. I remember how much I wanted to wake you up and hold you in my arms. I suppose I hadn't the ability to realize the finality of that night in the hospital, I would imagine if I did then I would have stayed there beside you until they made me leave. It was all so surreal David, sometimes it still is. Four years in most circumstances is just a quick moment passing by but four years without you to hold and watch grow has been like waking every morning to the beginning of another eternity. My journey in faith has promise and hope for us sweet son, we will be together one day and I will hold you in my arms no matter how big you have gotten, I may not put you down for a thousand years. I have not forgotten the sound of your laugh or the light in your eyes sweet baby and I can't wait to enjoy every moment of you again, I miss you so much. I love you Tiger, so much.