Wednesday, September 23, 2009

As october creeps in

Things are starting to get a bit overwhelming. I'm stressed and am quickly becoming reluctant to schedule anything, regardless of it's importance. I'm certainly not sleeping well and can't stand the thought of being around other people. I've been so emotional and unable to put it into words... it must be october coming around again to beat me up and leave me vulnerable.

october is a bully for the most part but last year when November finally appeared to rescue me, and welcome my daughter into the world, I saw a faint glimmer of something more meaningful. My ability to cope seems to be progressive so, in general, I can safely expect it to be more than a glimmer this time around.

I figure october is here to keep me in line and help me never to forget just how precious life is. Once it's gone, I always have my head on straight about how blessed I am and how I could lose it all in an instant. I hate new perspective though because it always seems to come at a cost... but it's here so I should get to appreciating it right?

I have a week or so before I find myself drowning in an unforgiving month so I should relax already but the tell-tale signs of an october are upon me. I guess I can only hope that when it is done with me I find something even more profound in it's incessant need to show it's ugly face again and again. We'll see.

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